What is infertility?????

What is infertility??
Well to me infertility is one massive fucked up ball ache, that feels like it's never ending. It's stressful, tiring, unpredictable, expensive and pretty cruel. It is the tiniest possibility of having a baby that keeps me going. But if you want the official explanation, then it is a disease of the reproductive system. This is how the World Health Organisation described it. So if it is officially classed as a disease why do people think it can be cured by stopping thinking about it??? 'Oh just stop thinking about it and you will get pregnant'. What the actual fuck??? Would you discuss diabetes, cancers, heart disease in this way?? Probably not!! 'Oh stop thinking about that tumour and it will go away'. Come on peeps think before you speak!!!

The only way I can describe how infertility feels to me is to imagine the coolest party in town is happening. This party has the best music, food and drink you could think of and you really really want to go. But unfortunately through no fault of your own you aren't invited. Pretty shit isn't it? Even though you're not invited all your friends and family are and they are going to have an awesome time!!!! Now already you would be probably a bit gutted that you can't go but it doesn't stop there. You are then forced to sit and watch the party through a window. You can see everyone having the best time and you begin to feel even worse. Now here is the cruelest part, while you are watching them, they can also see you. So you have to smile and wave at them and pretend that you are so so pleased that they are having a great time. When really you actually just want to run away and not watch because you feel like you're dying inside. You continuing smiling and waving and mouth that you are so happy they are having fun. Because heavens forbid you would have any feelings that weren't positive about the party. That would just be awful not considering other people's feelings, because your feelings apparently don't matter when they are not happy ones.
Not being able to go to this party fucking sucks!!!!!

Always remember that although I feel so very happy for you being fertile, at the same time I feel sad for my inability to reproduce without intervention (and even then they are no guarantees). So often I find situations awkward and make excuses to avoid them. This isn't a personal vendetta against you, it is a self preservation thing for me. And currently to me, my health and well being is more important.

Thanks for reading! Peace out, baby dust  and much love xxx